A strange locker
by Knubbel
Summary: A dark locker room in the middle of nowhere. Take various characters, put them into is, and enjoy!


Locker-story

A certain broom cabinet in the middle of nowhere...

**Notes: **My first story and the result of about four hours of sleep. My thought was: what could happen, if you take some people, stick them into a broom cabinet and switch off the light. No, not what you think! I'm not going _that _far. Just listen to them.

I published this story before, but in German, so I translated it. I hope this doesn't count as double-publishing, does it? If yes, tell me so I can take down the german version. Unluckily, many of the word-jokes got lost during translation, so if you sit there thinking ‚is that supposed to be funny?' , it was, at least in German.

I don't own any of the characters featured here, neither the Final Fantasy charas (though I would like to, at least Seph ;-)) nor those from Harry Potter, Beyblade or Legend Of Zelda. I only own the locker.

With ‚Jelly' I mean these black...things who wanted to go to the reunion. I know that they're supposed to be persons in black but the first thing I thought when I saw them was ‚Jelly'.

Oh, and I think readers under 5 shouldn't read it because it contains some reasonless violence against Teletubbys (which I, luckily, don't own either).

So, get started!

Door open, Sephiroth in, Seymour in, lights off, door closed.

„Huh, what am I doing in here?"

„Oh, there is another one in here!"

„Ouch, you're standing on my foot!"

„Hey, get off my cloak!"

„Take your hair out of my nose first!"

„Look out with this thing, you nearly cut my leg off!"

„Oh, I'm very sorry. Want me to try again?"

„No, thanks, there's no need to do this."

„Who are you anyway?"

„That's what I could ask you."

„I asked first, so answer me!"

sigh „I am Seymour Guado, leader of the Guado, I'm a Half–guado from Guadosalam."

„Well, I am Sephiroth, leader of a bunch of black-dressed guys. But I am the chosen one and I will become a god!"

„Yeah, yeah, that's what all these idiots say..."

„So what?! What is supposed to be that good on being a mason?"

„Maester!"

„Yes, Mister mason..."

Door open, Potty in, door closed.

„Oh my, it's dark in here. Lumos!"

„An idiot..."

„Argh, a hideous monster!"

„He can't be too stupid if he recognizes you as what you are."

„Ha, ha. Very funny."

„Aaah!! Another monster! Nox!"

„..."

„Now we're equal."

„...shut up..."

„Phew, thank god, it's dark again."

„Yeah, so I needn't see you anymore, Whitehair and Scarface."

„As If you were such a beauty to see, mister Moron."

„Maester!"

„Whatever."

„Where are my glasses?"

crack

„Ooops, I think I just stepped on something."

„My glasses!"

„My apologies, but if this sword-boy here wouldn't be standing on my cloak again, I would have stepped elswhere."

„Look out that the ‚sword-boy' doesn't _stab_ you!"

(sarcastically)„I want to see that..."

„Oh, don't worry because of my glasses, that's an easy spell. Reparo!...But I can't see a thing."

„Man, am I surprised."

Door open, Potty out, Thysson in, door closed.

„Whoa, pitch-dark in here."

groan „Why don't you switch on the light, Smarty?"

„But where's the switch? ... Ah, here is something. Man, is this huge! So what." pulls

„Heeeeyyy, my belt!"

„No, this wasn't it. At least, I have a new scarf. That's fine."

„My belt! Give it back!"

„Oh, it's your scarf? Here, for you."

„No, don't give it to him! Give it to me! It's mine!"

„Sorry, man, too late."

„Eehehehehe...."

„Sephiroth, give me my belt! Or else I will..."

„What else will you? Show your undies, or what?"

„..."

„This answer is enough. Hehehe..."

„Very funny. Give it back!"

„Don't be too polite."

„Huh? I don't get it. What is so funny? What's going on here, at all?"

„You needn't get it, Smarty. My problem is too big for your little head. By the way, it's standing next to you."

„Haha."

„Huh?"

„Forget it."

Door open, Thysson out, Cloud in, door closed.

„Hm? Where am I here?"

„Do we still have to say that? In a broom cabin."

„Yeah, I could have thought of _that_ myself. I'm Cloud. Who else is in here?"

„Here, it's me, Seymour. And my buddy there may introduce himself by himself."

„..."

„Hey, I said: _introduce_ yourself!"

„..."

„You're an unpolite guy, aren't you."

„From the mass of words he spoke, he could be Vincent."

„Or Auron."

„Or Auron. ... Who is Auron?"

„..."

„Sigh..."

Door open, Jelly in, door closed.

„The great Sephiroth... he is here..."

„WHAT?!?"

„Oh, no... Seymour, hide me..."

„I thought I got rid of you for good!!"

„Why is he so mad at you?"

„...reunion..."

„I burned down his home town and killed his girlfriend... But he has killed me for that before! Two times!"

„Ah, I understand. Bad luck, man..."

„Stop hiding and fight, Sephiroth!"

„...nion..."

Door open, Jelly out, Tidus in, door closed

„Hä? What's up here?"

„Sephiroth, I'm waiting!"

„Ouieh, Sephiroth, you should hide me..."

„Why that?"

„I know this voice! Seymour!! Gimme a break, man, can't you just stay dead?"

„Let me guesss, that is the guy who killed you."

„Bingo."

„Well, bad luck, man."

„I'm a Guado"

„But just a half."

„Yaaaa....How did you know that I am dead?"

„Just a feeling..."

„Admit, you guessed!"

„That Tidus-guy just said it. But, if it makes you happy, I guessed."

„Aye, aye, forget it."

„May I ask how many times he killed you?"

„Kill? Just once, but...I lost to him three times after that..."

„So this makes four."

„If it makes you happy."

„Haha. About what's blondie whispering with that guy there?"

„'That guy there' is blonde, too."

„Humpf. What are the blondies whispering about?"

„I don't know. But I've got an idea. I'll take care of your idiot, and you finish off Tidus."

„Yeah, but tell me one thing first. Cloud somehow managed to kill me, how the heck are you going too kick his ass?"

„I've got my methods. Anyways, I needn't be afraid of dying, I am already dead. And Yuna isn't here."

"Whoever Yuna might be."

"She's my bride! ...And she sent me to the Farplain."

"Farplain?"

"Eternal rest, the Other Side, Nirvana, got it?"

"Ah, you became one with the Lifestream."

"Lifestream?"

sigh "Forget it. Well, not even I managed to be killed by my own bride. Cloud is just some sort of clone of mine."

"Yeah, if he was your bride..."

"You don't want to finish that sentence, banana hair!"

"I'm warning you!"

"What, what, what? Do you want to challange me? Come on!"

"I... just wanted to say you're standing on my cloak again. ... Take your sword out of my face!"

"Hey, that Tidus nearly teared my one apart!"

"C'mon, Cloudy, let's get them!"

"Yaaa! Omnislash!"

"Blitz Ace!"

„AAAaahh!!!"

„AAAaahh!!!"

Door open, Cloud and Tidus out, Teletubbys in, door closed.

„Eh – Oh!"

„Phew. Been lucky this time."

„Why lucky? We had a plan and could not execute it."

„Believe me, we were lucky. Omnislash hurts a lot."

„Tubby cuddle!"(Does anyone know how this is said in English?)

„You're calling _this_ luck?!"

„Well..."

„This is worse that your feared Omnislash, I bet."

„You'll lose that bet, but..."

„We have to get rid of them. Come, Anima!"

poff

„Oh – Oh!"

(bruised) "Seymour, if you ask me, this wasn't such a good idea."

"Mmmpff!"

"I hope the wall tastes good."

"M, m, m... Mmmm, mmmpfff!"

poff

"Oooh, again! Again!"

"No, I'd rather not."

"For once, you're right. Enough of your stupid ideas!"

"Do you have any better ones? And you're standing – "

"On your cloak again, I know. But with these little Squeezies –"

"Tubby coddle"

"Umpf – let go! – there isn't enough room in here even without your giant thing. Yes, I do have an idea. Where's my sword?"

"Oh, what's that?"

"Hey , damn thing, hand my Masamune over to me!"

"Oh – Oh!"

"I can't believe that, he just cut one of his friends in two with your sword!"

"What else did you think a sword is made for?"

"Again! Again!"

"Give it to me!"

"Oh – Oh!"

"GIVE – ME – MY – SWORD – BACK!"

"Oh – Oh!"

"Uff... Seymour, you don't have a bucket there, have you?"

"Sure, Sephy! Here you are!"

"Did you just call me Sephy?!"

"How did you get that idea? Of course not!"

"I hope for you that you didn't. Stay where you are or I'll accidently chop you along with them."

"As if I could go anywhere with you standing on my cloak."

"Look out, this could spray."

splotsch

"What now?"

"We put these pieces into the bucket."

"Eeew, no way, I'm not touching that!"

"Have you never ever soiled your hands? Blood is a good thing, you know."

"Uh, no. I always had my goons for wiping away the mess."

"Sigh... all right, my clean mister martian, here is a pair of rubber gloves for you."

"That's maester!...What colour do the gloves have?"

"Pink."

"Hmpf...I understand."

silence

"Hey, this is quite a big bucket."

"Ah, shut up and wipe on!"

Door open, Link in, door closed.

"Where am I here?"

klong

"Ew, what did I just stem into? It's all slimy and greasy!"

"Oh, no. Just what we needed. Another fool."

"Yeah, as if you weren't enough."

"Haha. Veeeery funny."

"Funny? You don't sound amused, why do you say it's funny what the other one says?"

"Do you know the word sarcasm?"

"Oh. Yes. Sorry. ... I need some light. Where are my ember seeds?... Ah, here. Now I need something that can be burned. I'll try this out."

"Aauuuaaa!! He set my coat on fire!"

"Hm, these ember seeds have to be good if they cam get leather to burn."

"Seymour, stop babbling and help me instead!"

"As you wish."

"Wah, this is disgusting. My foot got stuck."

"Hand over the bucket, Greencap."

"Owowowowowow!"

"Ouch! My foot!"

splash splosh

"Phew, that was close. Good that there was so much liquid in there. Just my coat didn't survive."

"Yeah, there was much liquid in there. Now we – no, YOU – have to wipe it up again."

"Hmpf."

"Can I help?"

"Yup, grab Seymmies rubber gloves and help wiping."

"How did you just call me?!"

"What? Me? I didn't say anything, maiden."

"Maester!"

"Um, excuse me, you just called him-"

"I did NOT say anything."

"Oh, I understand."

"Grmpf."

wipe plash

"So, finished."

"May I go now?"

"Yes, get lost."

"But keep the-"

Door open, Link out, door closed.

"-door open... Damn. I won't get out of here this way."

"And I don't get anywhere anyway if you don't go away."

"Why? ...Oh, right. I understand."

"Because you aren't able to lift your feet just a littele bit..."

"Okay, okay..."

"And you are hindering me so much that I can't-"

"I GOT IT! Dammit, I've got a plan."

"I hope it's a good one. Let's hear it."

"Well, we put the bucket here..."

"And then?"

"Just wait."

Door open, Filch in...

bang

"Ouch! Which §§&$ pupil put the full bucket up there? I can't see a thing anymore! 50 Points off from-"

"Now! Get him!"

"Hey, what are you doing with me? A hundred points off your house! You'll get expelled for this, I swear!!!"

"What's he talking about?"

"Dunno. Now, in with him and out with us!"

"And take this §&$ bucket off my head!"

...Sephiroth and Seymour out, door closed.

"Ah, out at last!"

"Oh, Seymour..."

"Yes?"

"Hehehe..."

"What?!"

"Don't you miss something? Didn't you leave something...pffft...inside the closet?"

"Huh? What do you mean? I don't get it. Spit it out!"

"What I want to say...giggle...is...pfff....I like flowers and hearts....mmmmmhihihi...."

"What? Flowers and hearts? What do you mean?"

"Look.... down.... mmwahahahaHAHAHAHAHHAHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

Gasp „Oh, Um, um, yeah, see you, I have to go, I've got an appointment and it it is really urgent and, um, um, I have to go."

hasted steps getting quieter

„Huhuhuhu.... Things happen if you don't pay attention...How did this one brat say: At least I have a new scarf now. See you, Seymmie..."

Steps and a hummed 'One-Winged-Angel' withdrawing

silence

"......Um, hello? Could somebody open the door, please? It's pretty dark in here."

The end.....?


End file.
